It's the silly/ morbid things in life

It's really the silly things in life that get to me. i feel so silly for even feeling this way, but that's just who i am. i was looking at Kathleen's blog and decided to turn on her music player. that was the first mistake. it was some sad song i don't even remember what it was about but it made me really sit and evaluate my life. like i said this is really silly.

Some days i find it really hard to get out of bed in time to say my prayers and usually stay out too late and just want to come home and crash and never made the time to read my scriptures. this is very bad because i try to keep myself so busy i don't have time to dwell on the past and try to shove myself into the future (I have problems with change). but in my struggle to get everything done i find that i fall behind in the things that truly mean the most. sure friends are important, family comes before that and at the top of the latter is the gospel. the one thing that keeps my feet on the ground.

I have had some some sad but good experiences lately. they were sad because i ended up letting down some of the most important people in my life, but also good because i have learned about keeping my word. I always think about what people would say at my funeral if i was to die today, and unfortunately it is not what i want people to remember about me, so i decided to change. i decided to make a few simple words mean something again.

this isn't meant ot chastise anyone... I promise (we are getting there), this is just me thinking out loud.

the first is Thank-you. how many times have you miss the chance to really express your gratitude to someone who really deserved it? i know i miss them all the time. i take for granted just about every breath i take. how extremely grateful should we be to the lord of all people for everything that we have.

The second being "I promise" I can't count how may times a day i say those 2 very meaningful and powerful words and never actually follow through with what i promised. people alwasy say what happend to the days when a mans word meant something? and all i can say is we don't take what we, oureslves, say seriously. we assume that others will understand and then never allow others to make the same mistakes. which leads me to my next point...

Forgiveness. How come we expect others to understand we are mere humans but we expect them to be equivalent to gods? i was driving the other day and as i pulled out on to the road I accidentally cut someone off, they started honking and i could see that the driver was not happy. The same day i was on my way to the bank and so little p.o.s. truck does the same thing to him and what do i do... you got it, i through my hands in the air and yell making sure that he knows he did something stupid. how fair is that? Another great lead in to the next topic.

Judging others. My mother has always told me that if we really knew how much other people DON'T notice us we would stop caring what they thought. but how many time do we see someone and say wow i can't believe they left their house looking like that, or look at the way they dress and move to walk on the other side of the street? but on the other hand how many times do we see the same people and honestly and sincerely say to yourself wow i can only imagine how much love the lord must have for them?

This has turned into more of a short story, or essay than a blog entry, so i'll end it as such.

In closing i would like to leave you with my living eulogy... well atleast one i hope to live up to some day.

Holli was a Dear friend. She could make anyone smile with her wonderful sense of humor, she got it from her family. but more that just a pretty face and perfect smile she was a devoted woman. she was devoted to her word. when she said something she meant it, she never liked anyone enough to lie to them. She could always find the silver lining to everyone of life's problems. she had a smile on her face up until the day she left us. she never passed blame for something that she did (never covered that subject... some other time). but most importantly she loved the her savior and never let a day go bye with out expressing her love and gratitude for what she had been given in her life. she let that love over flow onto the people who surrounded her. she took every opportunity to share that love with whoever would listen... no really she even gave the deaf an ear full. but her last request was to let you all know that just because she is dead doesn't mean she was always right.

i told you it was morbid, but you all get the gist. and if you have actually made it this far into this little rampage of mine first i would like to congratulate you, and second say that if you have any questions just let me know and i will be more than happy to accommodate you.

okay... skip short story and go straight to novel. lol